talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
