I bet he comes in French.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
