Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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