my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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