I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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