Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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