Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
