someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
