I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
