So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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