I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We don't watch enough power rangers
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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