i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
