just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
