would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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