all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
