I can tuck mytits in my pants
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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