My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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