I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
