just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
