It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
