Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
