Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
