I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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