first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
