I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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