I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
