I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
