STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize