The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
