She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
