I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
