My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
