sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
