I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
