He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize