what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
