So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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