How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
