Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
