I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
