Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
