your parents love me but you hate me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize