The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We have started to decorate penises.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
