Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
