false alarm. still invincible.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
