The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
don't judge my taste in strippers
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize