Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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