Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
