Plan B is the new Plan A
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
