There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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