as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
