Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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