walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
