I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
