like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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