I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
