my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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