I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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