I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its not stalking. its research.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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