exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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