Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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