I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
