dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
