and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
