sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
