Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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