is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
