Soap is not a condiment
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
