you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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