The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
