There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
