I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
