The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
