...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
