I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
