And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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