Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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