We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize