when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
